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Internet magic

Two teenagers decided to introduce their elderly mother to the magic of the internet. The first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website. They told her it could answer any question she had.

The mother was very skeptical until one of the teens said, “It,s true, Mom. Think of something to ask.” After about a minute thought, the mother then responded, “How is Aunt Helen feeling?”

Car Privileges

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?”

“Not too late, Dad,” she replied nervously.

Calmly, her father said, “Then, honey, I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car.”

— All men are idiots, and I married their king.
— Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.
— I brake for no apparent reason.
— Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
— Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
— I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
— Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
— Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
— I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
— Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
— Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
— Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
— Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
— Consciousness cuts into my napping.
— Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
— There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
— Keep honking. I’m reloading.

I’m getting a new car. You know what kind of car I’m getting? I’m getting a Honda Civic because those are very safe cars. And I know ’cause I saw a guy total one the other day when I ran him off the road.

Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report.

“There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street.”

Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast.

“There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street.”

Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report.

“There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the….” The power went off.

He said to Martha, “What am I going to do now?”

Martha said, “Just leave the car in the garage.”

source: http://www.jokes.com

April 28, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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